Absurdities

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I think I have “writer’s block”.  Actually, it isn’t writer’s block – it is “lack of motivation block”.  Or maybe, it is “writing ideas come at the most inopportune times block”.

I started carrying a note book in my purse so I could write down ideas as they come – but then I lost the pen I carry in my purse (or rather I took out the pen to write something down and my daughter promptly picked it up and it is now hiding in one of her numerous bags, boxes, baskets, purses or drawers).

I am happy to  report, I have found a different pen to keep in my purse and I am now guarding it with my life, BUT the notebook has now gone missing and is probably in the same place as my afore mentioned lost pen.  Oh the joys of mothering a pack rat.

What is funny (well not haha funny – more quirky funny) is that there is more happening in my world right now then has been happening in quite a while.  And most of it is so absurd and ridiculous that it begs to be the subject of many blog posts – in fact, this stuff could be the entire outline of a book – but alas –  no pen or notebook and the whole lack of motivation thing and it has been over a month since my last post.

So….let’s catch up, shall we?  I’ll put it in a list – because I love a list – see previous blog posts as proof!

Absurdity Number 1 – I am moving to the woods.  (insert laugh track here).  So here is the story with this – it’s long, so hang with me – about 4 months ago a job listing for a promotion came up within my husband’s agency.  It was a job he had applied for many times before – and never gotten, but each time it came up he would apply and so there it was and he applied.  The conversation at dinner the night he sent in the application went like this

T – “The Fort posting came up again, I’m not going to get it – but I have to apply, I always apply.”

A – “Arden quit chasing the dog! Oh, yeah – Terry that sounds good.”

End of conversation – end of the brain power I dedicated to any possibility of actually moving 2 hours south to the middle of nowhere to live on the grounds of a pre-Revolutionary War fort that I had never heard of before.

A few weeks later – Terry reports that he has indeed been offered the position and with no hopes of any similar promotion being available anywhere closer and the desire to continue to progress in his career maybe we should seriously consider it.  Uh ok – GREAT! So, we begin the process of finding out more about the area, taking a site visit and meeting some folks down in this itty bitty town on the Mississippi about 20 minutes from any real civilization.  People – imagine the most pathetic fish out of water face you can imagine and that was me during this time.  But on the flip side of the utter panic was a sense of excitement and adventure – I could totally be a wilderness woman – I could learn to live off the land – I could buy boots for actual hiking and not just because they are cute – I COULD DO IT!

We pray, we fret, we discuss – rinse and repeat – and we decide to accept.  And plan to move.

Just days later – Terry’s current boss resigns and the State calls and asks him to stay at New Salem – with a promotion and a house on site – and would we consider doing that instead.  We have a week to decide.

And we pray, we fret, we discuss AGAIN – rinse and repeat.

In the end we decided to move to New Salem – stay closer but still move out to the woods and so I will now begin my return to my former stomping grounds – Petersburg, Illinois.  But not really – because we aren’t moving into Petersburg – we are moving to New Salem State Historic Site.  Our house is in the woods – it is IN THE WOODS – there is nature there – living creatures – bugs, snakes, vermin – and then there will be me.  What could go wrong?  It will be fine! I am nature woman, hear me roar.  Or whimper in the corner – we shall see.

Absurdity Number 2 – Moving. If you know me, you know I have moved over 25 times in my 40 years of life.  I should be really great at it – right?  WRONG.  This one might actually kill me.  And I will tell you why – this time I have a child who has very definite opinions on things.  Also, as previously mentioned, I am the mother of a pack rat.  I call her a pack rat because the alternative is to call her a hoarder and I don’t think we are quite ready for an intervention – YET.

Some of this I blame on myself and my phobia of dolls.  I am of firm belief that dolls steal your soul – maybe it was the porcelain dolls I had growing up or maybe I was permanently scarred from watching that Chucky movie so many years ago – but I hate dolls.  And because I hate dolls, I never bought my daughter dolls – I bought her stuffed animals (cuz THOSE are less creepy – hello ET – but I digress). And because I bought her stuffed animals, other people bought her stuffed animals and she began to love stuffed animals.  She began to love them with a fanatical obsession – to the point that we now have well over 100 stuffed animals – I’m sure the number is approaching the 300 or 400 level if you count all the little beanie things that show up in every prize box any teacher she has ever had seemed to possess – but I am afraid to count how many are actually in my house so we will go with 100.  They are everywhere – I have purchased all manner of storage systems for these things, but they overwhelm every attempt at organization I have ever tried.  We have tried to whittle them down a time or two, but the stress and emotion that is involved in these exercises could send us both to therapy if I try it too many more times.

Last night I actually started to hyperventilate when I started to think about all the STUFF in my house – I feel like we need to do a serious Daniel fast on stuff – you get a tooth brush, a pair of pants, a shirt, a pillow, a blanket and a pair of shoes – that is ALL – everything else GOES.  I calmed myself down, but not by much – I need a dumpster.

Aburdity Number 3 – My dog.  Over the last few weeks I have had a love/hate relationship with my dog.  For some reason, he had gotten into the habit of getting up every hour on the hour to go outside – or to act like he needs to go outside, but not really – and up and down I go with him, night after night.  I may have said “I hate my dog” out loud – a couple times.

And NOW I feel really guilty about that – because there is something wrong with Weezer – he is limping around and acting lethargic and won’t jump off the bed at all.  So I called the vet and we are going tomorrow to find out what is going on.

I’m a hypochondriac and this condition does not only apply to my own maladies – it is transferred to all I love – I’m convinced something serious is wrong with the dog – and it is my fault because I grumbled each time I had to get up and let him out in the middle of the night.  So I’m doing my best not to Google his symptoms because I’m sure “your dog is going to die” is going to be the prognosis of any search – so I’m just not going to look.  Denial ain’t just a river folks.

A couple final thoughts – I know this is long and rambling and probably not interesting to anyone – but every book I’ve read about writing says you should write even when you don’t have anything to say – because the practice of writing breeds more writing.  I read these books when I can’t write – so I don’t know that they are doing any good – but I give myself credit for the effort.

I’m sure more absurdity is bound to occur over the next weeks and months as we make this move to the woods.  I’ll try to keep you updated.  And of course the dog thing.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

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Wife, Mommy, Historian, Wannabe Writer.

5 thoughts on “Absurdities

  1. If I can become a mountain woman and live off the land at the age of 47 and after being a girly girl my whole life, I’m pretty sure you’ll do just fine….I wish you the best and if you have any questions about living in the woods, let me know.. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry, you know I love you, I laughed through most of this! I’m so excited about you living in the woods I can’t stand it! I will come and show you the ways and make it enjoyable for you! Just like I did teaching you how to pull weeds!

    Liked by 1 person

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