Day 2 – that time I got a discount offer on a panic room
Targeted email advertisements freak me out. Back in the days of snail mail, you used to get on these direct mail lists when you would apply for things or buy stuff at certain stores (this still happens but not nearly as frequently as the email thing) and they would send you coupons and special offers. Now it is email marketing – and let me tell you, I don’t know what I’ve bought or looked at that got me on some of these lists, but they are downright freaky.
Last week I got an email trying to sell me a panic room at a largely discounted rate. Like a Jodi Foster Panic Room – you know the kind of place you run and lock yourself into to hide from armed intruders in your home. What on EARTH have I done, read, purchased, etc. that got me on THAT particular list? What is it about my incredibly non-danger inducing life that made the marketers of THAT product look at me and say “hmm, we have a shot at selling a state of the art, top of the line PANIC ROOM to that woman! Send her a coupon today!”???
BUT, then the marketing started to work its way into my brain, and I started to have conversations with myself (in my head of course because if you talk to yourself out loud then you may find yourself locked in another sort of room – which would produce panic I am sure – but is not at all the same thing).
The thoughts went something like this:
“I live in the woods. I’ve actually told people on the internet that I live in the woods. So now strangers probably know I live in the woods. I’ve seen the movies about people who live in the woods and some monster, ax murderer, insert your most feared villain, comes and breaks into the house of the people who live in the woods. And no one can hear their screams. If we had a panic room, we could hide from that type of intruder. Maybe I should look into a panic room? It is on sale – and I like a sale.”
These marketers are genius I tell you!
I didn’t buy the panic room for a few reasons:
- It was too expensive, even on sale – and while I love a sale, I am cheap – so we are just going to have to find another way to protect ourselves from Freddie Kreuger out here in the woods.
- I have a fear of confined places – and those rooms aren’t that big – and if we try to cram Terry, myself, Arden AND the dog in that little bitty room with limited air then let’s just be honest – someone isn’t making the cut. It would be a whole Sophie’s Choice thing, and I would feel badly that the rest of my family had died at the hands of Mr. Kreuger.
- Knowing our luck – even if we all got into the room in time to avoid the killer AND there was enough air and space to house us all – something would malfunction on the unit and we would be stuck in the panic room – where literally NO ONE can hear your screams (if the Jodi Foster movie is to be believed) and we would expire in a completely different but no less horrific way instead.
So, I’m thinking I need just to panic in a regular room and hope for the best – oh and maybe try to figure out the metrics that make me an attractive candidate for these crazy things.
See ya tomorrow!
30 Day Writing Challenge Count Down
Days Completed: 2
Days to Go: 28