Just Some Random Thoughts

Day 39

I seem to be on an every other day posting kick right now. I’m not sure why. Yesterday I sat down to write something several times throughout the day, and got distracted each time. I would apologize for that, but really this is a journal for myself to remember this time of quarantine, and sometimes I just can’t put words to paper. I’m not sorry for that – so I won’t apologize. Look at the emotional growth I just went through there!  Ha!

I’ve also been keeping a prayer journal during this time. Not every day, but several days, I write down what I’m feeling or praying for or a scripture that has clicked with me. I’ve also been reading through the Psalms for the last few weeks. Yesterday I was reading Psalm 22. It is a sad, sad chapter. David seemed to have a lot of sad, sad chapters in his life – many self inflicted.  He also talked about enemies a lot. Yesterday it occurred to me that I had probably been reading the word “enemy” too literally.  I don’t have enemies. No one is coming to attack me or steal my land or kill me with a sword. But there are many emotions and feelings and thoughts that are real enemies to my well being. So, as I’ve been reading through the Psalms, every time I see the word “enemy” or “foe” or “wicked people”, I’ve been substituting one of those thoughts or feelings or emotions into its place.

For example, Psalm 18:40

“You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes.”

I read it like this:

“You made the hopelessness I am feeling turn its back in flight and I destroyed the feeling of inadequacy.”

I don’t know if that is blasphemy or adding to the scriptures, but it definitely was a way to pray that has helped in some low times.

Back to Psalm 22 – I resonated with David’s despair quite a bit. 

Psalm 22:11 

“Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help.”

Psalm 22:14

“I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me.”

Psalm 22:19

“But you, O Lord, be not far off. O my Strength, come quickly to help me.”

I think there is value in saying out loud how desperate we may feel. I also think David had a flare for the dramatic turn of phrase – “my heart has turned to wax” – wonder how long he spent on that little gem!? I’m not that creative in my prayers. Heck, I’m not that creative period. I’m thankful for the ability to pray God’s word. It has given me words I didn’t even know were missing and expressions that really fit my circumstances right now.

Anyway, that’s what has been on my mind this morning, so I thought I’d share.

Arden’s call with her class went very well yesterday. Eight of her classmates were able to get on the call, and she really enjoyed seeing their faces and hearing them yell at their siblings.  It was funny to hear that those students with brothers and sisters are DONE being with them, while Arden would love to have a sibling to be annoyed with.  The grass really is greener on the other side.

Today we are moving slowly. I have all the windows open and there is a lovely breeze blowing through the house. The dog is snoring on the bed next to me (I am dressed and the bed is made, but sometimes this is the most peaceful place in the house to write). Arden is taking her time waking up. We have a couple of assignments today but nothing that will take a large amount of time, so I’m just being content to do the day as it comes.

There is rain in the forecast for the next 3 days so we will be inside more than normal. The dog doesn’t enjoy walking in the rain anymore than I do, so our “potty” walks will be shortened.  Oh well.  Maybe I’ll substitute “rain” for “enemy” when next I read the Psalms.

News of the Day:

 Over 2.65 million people worldwide have tested positive for the coronavirus, according to data from Johns Hopkins University. More than 185,000 people have died.

The United States has more than 843,000 confirmed COVID-19 cases and over 46,000 deaths attributed to the virus.

Another 4.427 million Americans filed for unemployment benefits last week, according to data from the U.S. Labor Department. More than 26 million Americans have filed unemployment in the past 5 weeks.

The first U.S. coronavirus death occurred weeks earlier than originally thought, with medical officials in California now attributing two deaths on Feb. 6 and Feb. 17 to COVID-19.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s brother, an 86-year-old U.S. Air Force veteran, died from complications related to COVID-19.

Plan for the Day:

Somehow motivate the child to do a couple of school assignments. Maybe read a little (I’m trying, I really am). On season 4 of the Good Wife – these episodes don’t watch themselves!

See you tomorrow  – or the next day – or the day after that – who knows!


Cheers!

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Wife, Mommy, Historian, Wannabe Writer.

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